--.The Memories Of Us.--

Merry Christmas, and I hope you're happy . Well, it's Christmas. I'm supposed to be asleep by now but I figured that I need to let out stuff and give views. Well, relationships are an emotional thing. It's obvious that relationships aren't friendships. Emotions are always needed to be comforted and met, no matter the cost. Emotions define the person at the moment in time, and can turn nasty if not managed well. Friendships do not require building because they build naturally. Relationships on the other hand, are a little more annoying. They require face-to-face time and many other things to build on it. Doesn't mean that some couples don't meet often or contact each other often mean that it is the same for all, because personally, those are probably developed relationships. But even the most developed relationships require building. That's why priorities should be stable, but reshuffled to something else when needed to build on things again. Nothing can...

The " I LOVE YOU FOREVER " bullshit. Relationships during the teenage years are fragile. Many believe that relationships during the teenage years are impossible. But I beg to differ. They are possible. They only problem is when understanding goes out the window after a few months of being together. Patience wears thin, and every small mistake is refused admission or forgiveness. Well, personally - many may disagree - I think that building on a relationship is of a higher priority from friends. In my view, friends are important when you need someone when something goes wrong. But most friendships will always be there. A relationship may not always be there, especially when it's new. At the end of the day, it is just how the person prioritises his/her time. But personally, a new relationship should be worth building on first. Above priorities, is limiting. There is always a limit in a relationship. Many times, couples tend to test each other and try to push the relationshi...

I'm Carrying a Heavy Burden I can't keep myself sane. It was an hour before you were leaving and I was already hurting. It's only 10 days. If I can't cope with this, how am I supposed to cope with 8 months or a year? I really don't know. I hate separation. It is always the most painful part. When you're back, we have exactly three weeks before you're gone for 8 full months. How will I survive? I do not know. I woke up this morning with an aching heart like how some days you're up with a sore and stiff neck. I went for TV Ministry and I just couldn't focus. I've always paid attention but today was really bad. I totally lost all focus. I really don't know what's wrong. It's just 10 days but I am unable to live through the first day without a teardrop, what more 8 months? Sighh. This really sucks.

Lost kid. I'm starting to stress up. I have so many things in my mind as well as to do. Pimples are forming up all over my imperfect face. Gah. Assignments have piled up. I really thank God for public holidays. They actually help me. Anyway, not going to talk about school work. It's just crazy though there are only 5 core modules this semester. I'm going to talk about what's on my mind. Well, I'm strongly against the idea or concept that long-distance relationships (LDR) can actually work. I've preached this to many that there is no way that it can work. But now, I have to debate with myself whether or not to believe in what I preach. If I am still against LDRs, there is no way on earth that I will make it through week 1, let alone 4 years. I am really troubled and it has bugged me this entire week. I could not focus in lectures and tutorials, project meetings would see me staring off into space while debates among others occured, and I'd always be close to ...

I'm sure. I didn't go "oh no" or "what did I do". Not a bit. It's prolly the first time in my life that something like this has happened. I'm ready for this. I know I am. I know I'm finally ready for commitment, for faithfulness, and love. I know I am. Anyway, school has been alright now. Feeling a teeny bit more motivated for this semester actually. No idea why. Just really wish I can pull through and push up my GPA. :/ So yeahh. Anyway, it's late. No idea why I'm blogging though. Shall sleep now. (:

Thinking of you. It just aches. My heart just aches. I need painkillers that can kill the pain in my heart. Ohwell. I really don't know what to say. I think that I have not learnt my lesson from the previous incident. Well, no matter what you promise, some confessions still cannot be confessed. Because if you do, you'll just look like an idiot or a fool. KEVIN, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING CONFESSING SOMETHING OF THIS MAGNITUDE? AGAIN YOU ARE LEFT THERE STANDING LIKE AN IDIOT. Sigh. I'll hold back the tears to the best of my ability and be sure to learn my lesson.

I look. I guess that when you've been too busy with other things, you're only left with a lonely night to think about things. Take almost two weeks ago when I had to work a full 12 hour shift for 3 days straight. Every single night, I'd take the bus home thinking about everything and reflecting on my day and past. That's probably why I am considering taking a week off before school starts to go on a hiatus from everyone. But that's not an option. It's irresponsible to go missing for a week. Anyway, most nights I just look out the window every now and then. I wish I lived by the sea. The view would give me a better motivation to pen down my thoughts in letters and other what-not places that no one will ever see. Every night, I just look out to the sky, knowing that if you are looking out as well, it is the same sky that we're observing. Today I plunged my head quite far out of my window. I was trying to spot a certain part of Singapore. I wasn't scared of...

I guess. I'm filled with mixed emotions. I'm really in between a lot of nonsense. My life is just in a chaotic state right now. IS enrollment just had to come along and screw me up. Apart from that, I'm still thinking about what happened almost a month ago and which part went wrong. I really did not deserve anything then. Sigh. On a brighter side, I recommended something which actually turned out to be a good idea for one day. Guess that's where the small bit of joy would come from... Sigh. If only I could make everything known to someone, then I can take a huge breath of relief because I am unable to multi-task my problems. I just can't. If they came one at a time, it would be good. But no, they all come at once. Sigh. A great test of my tolerance and Faith. I shall keep on. Hoping for a greater change for a new and greater level in my life. For a new level up. For the time being, I'll need patience and tolerance.

Hey you, I think that writing personal letters which the recipient will never receive is a good alternative to blogging when you need to hide your true self. Well, I shan't blog too much about anyone now. Should anything happen to me one day, maybe the people who I write to may finally receive all of my hidden letters.Till then, I shall write another letter now.

H e r . You - I promise that I won't cause you an unnecessary tear. I promise I will not be a jerk as I did in the past with other girls. I promise you that we will have long romantic walks by the river. We will both create memories in as many places as possible. You will be my only one, and I'll be your only one. I promise you that long hugs will be a norm for us. I will show you off to my world while you show me off to your world. You'll be the envy of your friends, and I'll be the envy of my friends. We will be like the movie tales and lie under the stars. We will have the sweetest pictures of us on Facebook. The sky will be our common ground when we look up while away. We will sneak out at night to picnic by the beach. When you're mad, you will see me running after you . And finally, I will never let your hand go. This is all for y o u , my dear future girlfriend .

Anonymous people I don't see the purpose of me keeping this blog actually. No one bothers to read it. It's only for myself, except those random strangers/vague acquaintances who pass by to drop anonymous tags which may range from nice things to horrible things - both of which I usually ignore like what I do to my phone. Anyway, my holidays are filled with work. Hoping it won't eat into church after this weekend anymore. Hoping I can persuade and get only half shifts for Saturday. Anyway, I will aim to be a nice person for the remaining of this year, and hopefully for the many more years to come. I shan't go about moodswinging or showing shit. That's my aim. Will be really difficult, but I'll try. Try to keep my emo-ing away from this blog or anywhere else. Maybe only on Twitter. heh. Ahwells. I should be sleeping soon.

Airplanes in the night sky ... I've been in a pretty much of a hiatus from religion lately. Perhaps I could say that I'm too ashamed to meet the people that I know over in church. Jeremy would know what I'm talking about. No one knows except him. I may be hiding it, but it really keeps me up thinking every night how I might have said some things wrongly, or in a tone people misunderstood. No matter the misunderstanding, it is a huge embarrassment to receive that 'crown' for the camp. I just don't know how to face people again. Work would be a few other issues but they don't really matter. On a slightly different note, I skipped church for the first time in years for a non-valid reason. Or at least to me, it's considered non-valid since I've always been the one talking about how a person prioritising his commitments would show his true self. I've skipped church for very valid reasons before, like time to recuperate at home after an operation, or s...

I guess everyone has weird people they know. Weird would probably be the wrong word. Because it's normal. People find all sorts of reasons that are false, but somehow twist it to make it sound true hoping it helps them forget about someone who broke his/her fragile heart. I know many who find all sorts of twisted reasons which if seen from an outsider's view is totally false and believing in it in hope for something to change. I know it well because I was one of them. Still am actually. Like ever met someone who kept insisting his/her ex is a slut/man-whore/bastard/bitch, even though it's obvious that it is not totally true? And even if it sounds true, it is because he/she only tells the friends what he or she sees, but not from the "slut/man-whore/bastard/bitch's" point of view? Ohwell. People. We're all created in such a weird way. Anyway I've been working a lot the past week. I've started since Sunday the 12th and only got a break on Thursday. N...

Let's see now. I've been attempting to study since two weeks ago. I sorta failed halfway. Read my notes, yes. Understand the notes, mostly. Memorize the notes, no. Able to do past semester's paper, fail. I swear I'm screwed. But whatever. Shall push myself harder. And I can't find the same motivation that I had when I studied for O's. ): Ohwells. I'm not prepared to fail my papers. ): Anyway, I've realised something. I don't have the habit of keeping up conversations or posts. Like right now, I've conversations in the form of texts from people hanging in my phone and I'm too lazy to reply since they were hanging for over 24 hours. I can never keep up with a conversation for more than a day. Same goes for my twitter and facebook. I just always somehow forget about it and eventually I won't bother replying since it was due many hours ago. Well, people have sorta commented on this saying it's bad. But I just don't know how to reply a...

It just doesn't seem right. I don't know. I feel really annoyed and pissed with the current festival but yet frightened at the same time. No racism is intended here. I'm referring to the 7th month of the Chinese Calendar. No, I do not care about the offerings and burnings. In fact I sort of like the smell of the burning. It's weird. But that's not why I'm pissed with it. I'm pissed with the "month". Seriously, things that aren't right have happened during the month this year for the first time. And I'm really getting annoyed. Just the other day my remote controlled fan switched to a different mode right in front of me. The first time it happened, I let it go. But it happened again, so I kept the remote control from behind me to my side. But even with that, it happened again. Ugh. Seriously? And then another time, my crutches that have been leaning at a corner of my room for almost half a year suddenly fell without any wind. On top of that, ...

The non-break break, hiatus. I've taken a break for a while. Well, sort of. From most of the outside world. Some people I reply, while most were left unreplied. I don't know why but I've lost interest in life, and people. I guess I just need to start finding real friends who will really be there, and not be gone just because of circumstances or when I'm gone. I'm really stoned about life. I guess I find that I've lost purpose and direction again. Sure, I'll still present myself as who I was in the past, not giving a care. But I know that deep inside of me, I'm dead. I do not know what or who I'm searching for anymore. My life's just a mess. And I know there will be more people to make my life much more messy than it already is. I'm not prepared for it. At least not yet. I prefer a clean life. Sigh. Okay, I've learnt. Learnt to keep my life simple and clean. I'll start on building up my PR image to all of you again. I will.

I need a break. I really thought that the suicidal phase of my life was miraculously over. But I could not be any more wrong. The stress from work is really pushing me beyond my limit. I really just want to leap out of my window for the aim of a stress-less afterlife. I'm stressed to the point where I'm crying over unfinished school work, something that's happened the first time in my life. There is just too much to do within this little time. Sigh. Life is really too difficult to live.

Walk away if you want to. I really don't know what to say. I never knew anything. After two months on contemplating death, I've found out that I should have taken that leap long ago. The mounting stress and failures over the past two months hasn't really been very encouraging to keep life going. And today, I've got to know the truth. The truth was all along there. I was just too blind to see it. I knew I was being used. But I chose to think that I wasn't and kept life. I'm really sick of life. I'm really sick of being the one people can call upon when they're abandoned somewhere in the middle of the night, but no one appearing for me in the day when I need it. I guess this is life. I'm really sick of all these nonsense. I'm just a back-up for you and everyone. I'm only called when it's convenient. One of the lesson learnt? Don't pick up your phone when it rings at 2 in the morning. Many others as well. But that is just one of them.

The great conflict. Firstly, my point. The new distance based fare is an increase in fares. Some may disagree, some may not. But train fares are quite clear cut, and have been explained here . I'm here talking about buses. Obviously the fares are beneficial for some. It is most beneficial to those who have already been transferring between buses more than once per journey. But think about those who have been taking one ride without any transfer per journey. A statement released today reminded Singaporeans that the distance fares are more beneficial to those travelling long distances. But I beg to differ. Looking at a student's fare, which is the simplest, costs around 45cents no matter how far he or she travels per bus ride. But now, if he or she takes just one service anywhere longer than 5.3KM, it costs anywhere between 51 cents to 58 cents. Obviously not a saving for that child. This is just one example among many others. But the bottomline holds that the distance fares is j...

I caved. I cannot stand holding it in anymore. Two years ago I was juggling in my mind whether to believe in a certain concept. A concept where females are just heartbreakers and liars who keep saying "I don't know" as an excuse. But I have re-affirmed it recently. Girls who keep telling you "No, I promise you I'm different from the rest", or saying "I don't know". It's pathetic and stupid. My conclusion is that they are all the same. Liars and people who will break you. People who do not give a care no matter what you do for them. In fact, I personally do not even classify them as people anymore. Eve should have never been created in the first place. Man should have just been able to reproduce itself or something. And oh, yes, it's YOU who re-affirmed my mindset about females. Thanks. And thanks for all the useless promises.

Shit. I've lost the most important possession, which the CD containing all the songs I played during my 16 th birthday chalet. Damn. I wanted to listen to it again since a few days back and I couldn't find it anymore. I lost all FOUR copies. Ugh. Ohwells. Sigh. School work is irritatingly irritating, if there's such a phrase. And life is just so screwed. July hasn't been nice to me yet. I don't see how 2010 will be my best year yet. Seems more like my worst year yet. Sigh. Shall go back to slugging out my work. UGH.

"there was this girl that i dated for 2 years next thing i know is waking at 3:00 in the morning with a midnight txt saying that she was brking up with me that day i in the corner of my eye i see her in another guys arms,i couldnt concentrate on my work or anything else but her smile but then it became a blur i wanted to pull a dagger through my heart in front but then i think she will just ignore and forget " I got the above comment from someone who left it as a reply on one of the youtube videos. No edits, just the original quote. I bolded the last past because it is really something that I've found to be true. I really want to blog something but I just can't because tagboard spammers will appear. Sigh. But I've learnt. And honestly, your girl cheating on you is not the only shit that makes your heart be cut out and breaded with salt. Bitching. Bitching to other people about his work, his life, his whatever. But in front of you, gives you the impression that you...

You have stolen my heart. I ♥ YOU. Who is YOU? Someone. Anyways, time is going slow. I want school to be over asap. Just give me a little more stress, and the white words will turn into reality in colours throughout the June posts. If anything happens one day, just know that I love YOU. But for now, I'll wait for a time, when I'll close my eyes longer as I lean forward by the windows. It may just be any night.

You must be mistaken. Well, I've realised that June was a relatively better month in terms of how I've taken some time to relax, mostly because half of it was holidays. Caught up with movies, and also managed to work out a bit. But still, I feel strangled. Too many things, and too much stress. I need a good break. I've been saying this for more than a month but I've never gotten it. Sigh. :/ A million problems which no one knows about. I'm too much a procrastinator. I should have taken the window ever since a month ago, today, after the performance. Performing was the last best thing that had happened to my life. On a different note, love is shit. There isn't such a thing. The past month had me changing my mindset to be against it strongly. Sure, I'm still happy whenever I see someone getting attached, but it will never apply to me. Why believe or do something that you think is love when it never turns out good? I'd rather the one nights, tyvm. Seriousl...

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words. Well, I'm supposed to be sleeping, especially when I'm supposed to be up early and also since I'm sick. Well, was sick since Monday. Been waking up every morning with a bad headache, coupled with irritated nights. I don't know why but I keep waking up and stuff and get really irritated for no apparent reason. :/ And on top of all the irritation from my throat and muscle aches, the fever is making me lethargic and ugh-like. Well, something's wrong this week. ): Anyway, it's been really long since I've properly smiled at something from a message or something. I'm gonna sound like her, as what someone else claimed, but I guess life is better when you don't have anyone that you like? You just focus on your own, except that it's getting kinda boring. Itching to try to find someone to chase. But ohwells. Temptations aside. I know I can resist, when there's no temptations. Ha. Ohwells. Time to sleep. Need to get be...

I think I've screwed it again. I've pondered over my progress in poly. Somehow it feels like my sec 1. During that period, I felt like quitting school and just be a "loser" in the uneducated sense and just waste my life away the easy way. And now, I feel the same way. I am really not motivated to do anything for school work at all. :/ Ohwells. Anyway, the past week has been relatively alright. Saturday I got home early, Sunday went to the Zoo, yesterday out for movie and slacking around. Watched Toy Story 3. Wasn't that bad. Well, I guess I'm done blogging here. Today would be 12 days since I've "sort of" finished something, and 6 days since I was 19, when I hoped something would happen. But heck, I've moved on, like I've always did. It was never my loss anyway. Anyways, I've been feeling shit physically since yesterday. I've been waking up the past two mornings with splitting headaches which can't be gotten rid with paracetam...

It's gone out of hand. Wanted to blog about something else which has been in me for at least 2 nights but I'll use this space today on something which I've pondered for a little while longer, when news of New Creation Church's sermon controversy appeared headlines on Yahoo! News. It led me to really wonder what is happening in the newsrooms now. Every time a charitable organisation has a hiccup - be it really small or big - the news feeds would be blasting about them in bad light. Think Ren Ci, NKF, and Lighthouse Evangelism. CHC and NCC would be the latest two the past three weeks. In the Ren Ci and NKF saga, there was an issue with the finances, with CHC suspected for mismanagement of funds. LE and NCC has dealt with sermons which happened to cross to other races and was alledged to appear in a racist tone. For NKF and Ren Ci, the people involved had a lavish lifestyle at the expense of public funds. But so what? Were they not charged in court? Were they not punished?...

Too much feelings. I've realised that I haven't been blogging much about what I've been doing. It's more on my feelings. Ohwells. Anyway, this June I've been watching movies a lil' bit. I've watched "Killers" twice, "Karate Kid", and "Shrek Forever After" in two weeks. Anyway life has been quite okay in terms of school work, except that it is piling up again just when I thought I've cleared it. Anyway every Friday I'm getting myself to do some exercise. So last Friday night I cycled around Toa Payoh for two rounds. Saturday was church. Celebration wasn't bad. Really something new for me. Then Sunday was Sentosa for Zone Outing, then to Bugis for POS Appreciation. After that we played pool and then 5 of us stayed over at Juswin's house. Monday I went home and slept almost the entire day away, and watched movies at home at night. Then Tuesday was out for MRM survey, followed by B&J, then home and dinner with so...

I had a discovery in the bathroom. I've sort of figured something which was quite obvious but it took me up to this point to realise it. Anyway before that, I've been pondering on how much more introverted I've been as I grew older. I used to be much more sociable in the past. But ohwells. I've been in deep thoughts the past few days. And while taking my bath earlier on, I figured I'm really really a night person. Probably the remedy to stop me from staying home and having suicidal thoughts. I guess that's my problem, finding people who can be there with me in the middle of the night. :/ I mean like, life seriously sucks, when you're a night person with unlimited freedom, but no one to stay out late with. Sounds really useless. Ohwell. On a different note, I've figured that we were never meant to be good friends. No matter whoever takes the first step in a month's time when everything has settled will not matter, because somehow it will still end thi...

Why. Why did I choose to not have a BBQ this year? Money and time was just a stupid excuse. Truth to be told, I hate it that something extravagant has to end. And I'm not even talking about BBQs for my birthday. It's for any BBQs. Sigh. I think that I really need a break. I'm not ready for June. I'm not ready for life. This year's May and June has been really bad and mean to me. I'm weighing the pros and cons of giving up everyday and the pros outweigh the cons. It's really tempting. If heights were not one of my fear which fall under the cons, I would have been at peace by now. I just need you to be here to make it all better.

Wise men say. After yesterday, I woke up feeling totally different today. Whoa uh. Anyway I've realised that I'm too cooped up in home. That something yesterday and the something from over a week ago on Monday made me wake up with a bittersweet feeling deep down in me this morning. I guess it's hard to forget or let go of something that had lasted for so long. Ohwells. Anyway it's been a while since I've went out on a weekday, especially since POS took up loads of my time in the past, with other free days spent doing work. Well, I miss POS. With POS, I really really had to juggle my time carefully and precisely, something which I was never good with. Now that it's gone, I have so much free time. Ohwell. And on a different note, today is June 11. Yesterday was June 10. :/ Ohwells. I think I've had quite good impulse control on my own life so far. If I hadn't, I would be six-feet under and wouldn't be typing this blog post. To me, I've always felt ...

It must have been the way you kissed me. Just watched "Valentine's Day" at home. Re-watching it brought back many memories and theories which I've never believed in. The strongest theory which kept being repeated was obviously how Valentine's Day is an important day. The next theory was "In a relationship, you have to learn to accept the other person despite him or her being at his or her best, lowest, nicest, or worst". Also tagged with the theory is "If one cannot accept the other person, then he or she does not deserve the other person". To me, I never believed in that theory. No one is perfect for another. There will always be flaws, and in the relationship, chances are meant to be given freely to change them, no matter how extreme the error or problem in the relationship someone has caused. Another theory which I've only believed for a short while was one when Ashton Kutcher asked his buddy how he managed to get it so 'right' ...

The huge step. Well, just read an article on Yahoo! News while having my three hour long break which can be found here . Reading it just reminded me of the wedding movies and matrimony ceremonies that I've seen since I was a kid. In the article, it quoted Terence saying that there was an "adrenaline rush to marry". I guess that I've had it as well? But apart from that, it just reminded me of how things go in a wedding, You see the guy standing at the end of the aisle, smiling nervously as his bride walks down the never ending red carpet. And after all the formality vows, would be the one simple kiss that nothing can ever erase from them. To me, changing your status from "In a relationship" to "Married" is a very big change. It's probably the biggest decision or step I'll ever have to make in my life. I'm not saying that changing your status from "Single" to "In a relationship" isn't a big step. But ohwells. I don...

Ah. I guess TV Ministry interview wasn't so bad today. But this week every service ended real fast. :/ This coming week would be a lil' more packed, with things being rushed out before we run off for our non-existent break, since it would be filled with us doing work, especially MRM street surveying. So yeah. Wanted to blog about something else but I've forgotten what I wanted to say, as usual. Ahwells. Ta-tahs.

Parachute. As I've blogged in my previous post, these two weeks has been really bad. Problems with juggling time for POS and school last week, then a blow on Friday after performance, with Sunday among many others. I really need rest, and this week is interview for TV ministry on Sunday. Sigh. I'm really down, with so many things lost within these two weeks, and on the brink of ending it all again. I need a break. It's good there's no cgm for these two weeks. It gives me rest. Sigh. I might skip service tomorrow. Hopefully someone can follow me for service 3. I'm really unable to look at things properly, with failures and blows after failures and blows. I'm going out for a cycle to East Coast now. I just hope that drunkard would knock me down and end it all for me. I'll thank you a lot. But for now, I'm liking Train's album. Here's one of their songs.

Somebody save me. It has been almost a month since I've last blogged. Ohgosh. Anyway I've just edited the skin again. I need to do something better man. Ughs. Ahwells. The past one week has been really trying and tough for me. Stress from school work, church, and also from the pre-wedding video. And I guess the thing that I hate is when people don't understand me. Anyway, the past week was really really difficult. It was a very dull weekend and I just couldn't do anything right. And of course, most of this came from POS. I just cried as I watched the winning performance by CHC KL during the last night of Asia Conference. Sigh. Well, but there's nothing much I can do huh. And then newswriting teacher just had to give me a hard time. Pointing out one small mistake of mine, and then trying to find at least 3 more reasons to pick on me. I'm not exaggerating, she really led on from one fault of mine to another. Being pissed, I argued back and she chased me out of cl...

1 Kings 19 A good verse with revelations after revelations. And was preached last Staurday. The first few verses are what really got into me I guess. Just to eat and sleep, over and over again, then waking up for a long and difficult journey before receiving a new refreshing. Sigh. I need a break, and it's the worst time of the year to have it. School is just UGH. And so is my life. So many things that I need to do. Sigh. Give me a break lord.

Okay. Whenever I actually post full lyrics, it means something. So yeah. Anyway I'm exhausted. I really am. And I'm on the brink of throwing in the towel. I need a new refreshing. I really do. Sigh. ALM - Be Glorified At your name I see the enemy fleeing I see the lonely finding home in your arms At your name I know the heartache is over I know the rest that I seek is at the cross We’ll see sight for the blind eyes and hope for the broken lives and breath in the lungs of the weak We’ll see sight for the blind eyes and hope for the broken lives, As we stand in Your name Jesus, be glorified in the earth Be glorified in the earth Jesus your name be glorified At your voice I know the weak are made strong now I know my hope is restored when you speak At your voice I know my chains are now broken I know my saviour has conquered the grave. Jesus, be glorified in the earth Be glorified in the earth Jesus your name be glorified You conquered t...

Oh. Omg, year 2 is bad. So many things. And Advertising is just irritating to the max. Ughs, ahwells. But on a lighter note, at least I've seen you in school today like after a million years. But ahwells. Go ahead and moodswing, I don't care anymore. Hmms. Shall go to sleep now. Long day today, and also for tomorrow. :/

Time slows down whenever you're around. Well, it's been a long week since I've last blogged. Anyway Saturday was filled with church and overnight cycling, not to forget the planning and stuff. Sunday had POS, and Monday was the start of school. Damn, school is bad. :/ 9-6 from Mondays to Wednesdays, with POS trainings every Sunday, Monday, and Wednesdays. But today was a lil' more slack though. Only had a 2 hour tutorial for Thursdays. Well school has been really bad. Every single module has a load of things to do. ): Like seriously. Stressful and scary. Ughs, shall go off to try starting on something.

Oh, it has been a long week. Well POS training has been taking up quite a decent amount of my time, considering how I always do stuffs at night. But it's worth it, I'm sure. Just gotta get the opening stunt right and good with my partner. All the way in front man. Cool but scary I guess. Anyway school is going to start in 5 days. I'm not looking forward to the work at all. Ugh. Anyway I have stuffs chalking up this week. The weekend will be really filled. Gotta organise a night cycling event for the cell group. I'm not complaining, but just worried at how things will pan out. Hopefully they'll work out eventually. I really don't know what else is there for me to do. I'm lost now. Sigh. I have a million things to settle. I hope my life will turn out good this year. I really do. I'm really tired of people being biased. Really. I need a change in my path of life .

Ah, life's reached the point. Well, has been awhile since I've last blogged. Life is pretty alright I guess, except that school is back. I'm dreading the assignments and projects, always troublesome and tough to do, especially those with presentations. Ugh. Life's revolving pretty much around church related stuff, mainly POS. Ivan said bases are few, and flyers are plenty, thus they're limiting the number of flyers. But I don't know how true that is. I don't even see myself in any part of the performance. I can't even do much. Prolly backstage I guess, at the worst. Anyway I haven't been messaging much in the past month or so. There are many checkpoints or landmarks in the course of the journey in life, mostly points where something in or about you settles down. I guess I've reached the point where I don't fancy the joy, fun, or need to reply messages or to update anything unless necessary. I can simply accumulate like 10 messages by the end ...

Life's a mess I guess? Well, first I've unblocked my blog to everyone. Secondly I took down my tagboard. Third, I've joined Parade of Schools for Asia Conference 2010 since two Mondays ago. Fourth, I'm really tired. I really am. I need someone to breakaway and escape with me. That's all I guess.

Today was a fairytale. I made a bookmark to watch Fan Chan(My Girl) on Okto at 10p.m. today. It seemed pretty alright from the trailer. Well, it's one of those girl and guy bestie thing, but not about getting together. Just pure friends. But that is just behind the white screens of theatres, isn't it? Good friends? Yeah right. Some times things happen and you don't even know how it is your fault. Honestly, how can a guy and a girl be good friends, or maybe best friends? I don't see how it works. I don't. The only thing that has been close to me is my pillow. Guy good friends? They are a better bet. I sound superficial, like I only want a friend there for benefits. But hey, the only benefit I'm looking out for is a shoulder. And that is my return as well. I'm really doubting in the meaning of friends. Or should I say acquaintances? Just think carefully. Aren't certain wishes that we have influenced from the media? And out of those "influenced wishes...

Oh, you're so. I will not blog too much about it. Because it'll just show how immature I am and will only get me nothing but counseling from him. But the real one is you. If you want to be so hostile, so be it. The first two times it happened, I took the courage to start something again, despite it only being partially my fault once. Oh you're just trying to be someone you're not to gain sympathy. Two can always play this childish game of yours. But I won't. If you want to be hostile and expect me to do the same, you're wrong. I won't be hostile, neither will I be friendly. Because I don't need someone who screwed up her 'O' levels, and ignore people who genuinely cared about you, even the close friends. You make me want to quit just to avoid seeing you every week. On a different and less "splat" note, I had frog leg porridge for the first time today. I was dying psychologically about how wrong it was to eat it but yet physically enjoyi...

Fun week. Let's see now. I woke up today with a stiff neck. Urgh, that sure sucks. Well anyway, last Thursday I left for a school trip to Melaka. A very quiet state I must say. According to wiki, it is the third smallest state in the whole of Malaysia. It's pretty old though. Not much new buildings. Some buildings can be seen crumbling apart. But overall a good 'historic' experience. The landmarks were old and a different atmosphere could be felt in the area. I kinda like the place though. Heh. Anyways, the trip was pretty alright, just boring and tiring at times. And oh, clothes were really cheap! Like, RM50 for 3 tops, which equates to about S$7 per shirt. hah. I like! Food was also relatively okay. Chicken rice balls were gross, Chendols quite different, Baba Nonya curry noodles were quite nice, BK was different, A&W was the bomb, and Baskin Robbins was kinda shiok. heh. Anyway, Sunday was OCBC Cycle Singapore. Came in at 1h18m12s for 40KM, a 15 minute improveme...

OH! OCBC Cycle Singapore in 4 Days! :D Excited and totally hyped up for it. Whether I can finish it in 1hr 20mins as I originally targeted would be a different matter with this injury. But as long as I can complete it in 1hr 30mins, I'm happy. :D I should probably fix my pedal. It's bent quite badly. That would show the impact which caused the open fracture, or in a more simpler term, breaking a bone in my toe in half. Life is back, and I'm thankful for it. As for service, I guess I'll probably go for JW service on Sunday this week. :D Ahwells. Time to sleep. Meleka trip tmr. Will be back on Saturday 5pm, according to school. (:

I'm trying to have faith here. Okay. This post is actually from Monday the 1st in the morning, and it was left blank in content with the above title. So after almost 43 hours, I'm here in this draft to blog. Going to blog something different from the title actually. See, I've been really down over how my plans were screwed up. But I decided to go down for the Meleka trip briefing that Monday morning despite the fact that I'm unable to go for the trip. See, I have a follow-up appointment with the hospital on Friday which could only be shifted to April when my mom requested for a change. Thus we left it as it is on Friday the 5th, which conflicts with the trip. But anyway, after the briefing, I decided to just go with the trip over the appointment. So I called and persuaded for a nearer date. Miraculously, the nurse gave me 12 March, which means I'm free to go Meleka! Amazing, I must say. The next thing is that I went back to the polyclinic today for a change of my dr...

It was a twist of plan. I had everything planned out for next week. Melaka trip on Thursday, back on Saturday, rush down to service, then rush down to F1 building to collect my cycling race pack with Glen, and then sleep early for the race the next morning. I was greatly looking forward to this plan. But now, it's screwed up, just because of one stupid accident. I am now unable to cycle for the race that I've waited for half a year, Melaka trip might be screwed cause I have a follow up appointment on Friday, and I'm holding on to the small glimmer of hope that I can remove the bandages and gauzes in my appointment, slip my feet into a covered shoe, and probably cycle for my long-awaited race. Sigh. I've been feeling really down today. It's like my life had just ended. Everyday I wish and pray that God could just give me a miracle. A miracle to go on with my trip and race. This race means everything to me. It is my passion, my greatest desire. It is my life. I need t...

Ahh. On 14 January 2009, Glen flipped and totalled his bicycle when we attempted to cycle to Tuas Second Link. He was whisked away into the A&E department straight away when his dad drove him to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. He was lucky to have only gotten away with surface bruises and zero fractures or concussions, especially since there was a bruise really close to his eye. Obviously we were all relieved and happy that nothing serious happened to him. So that was a warning bell for Glen and me to watch where we cycle, because Glen crashed when he was looking around at the factories and not paying attention to the road. A scary reminder which I did not heed fully. See, last Tuesday morning on the 23rd, I decided to cycle one round around Toa Payoh to warm myself up a lil for OCBC Cycle Singapore, which happens next Sunday. However, as it was a simple ride, I decided to cycle with slippers. A big mistake. Halfway through, I was looking down and checking my derailleur as it wasn't sh...

Oh, so that's the difference! It's the holidays and I'm officially lifeless and going to be bored for the entire 2 weeks. It's been slightly over a week since my holidays have started. Chinese New Year was pretty alright, albeit boring. Anyways, the holidays is a period where I just stay home most days and just explore into home theatre stuffs. And I must say that I have been considering an upgrade from DVD to Blu-ray, but I've been contemplating. I guess I would get Blu-ray for the sake of the 7.1 surround sound. However, when I popped in HMV on Thursday, all the Blu-ray movies were 5.1. Only music concerts are 7.1. The only difference would be the picture and the sound being HD. Ahwells. Anyways, this holidays are going to be really boring for me. I need to search for things to do. Yawns. On a different note, I watched Valentine's Day on Wednesday. It was pretty alright. But it kinda struck me that the "marry my best friend" idea isn't that grea...

Heh. Well, it's the holidays for me now and it's time for me to explore into my home theatre again. And as I've watched movies at home the past few nights, I've realised the great difference between DVD and VCD (Well, not that I haven't already in the past, but yeah). But I guess the most obvious difference is the audio. For me, I have a weird system, where I use separate amps for my speakers. One for the rear two, one for the front two with subs, and another for the front. Total of three amps. In a VCD video, I would only need to work one amp, which is from the front two side speakers, which is bad. Many VCDs are shit. The soundtrack levels are very high with low levels of dialogue. This is something that can be adjusted from a DVD, where dialogue is usually only from the front center speaker. The three amps also allow me to customise the levels individually to cater it to my ear's pleasure. Be it a louder soundtrack, greater surround sound, or louder dialogue,...

It hasn't rained. The last time that a raindrop has fallen onto Toa Payoh grounds was over a week ago on a Friday. 5 February 2010. It's been really warm and irritating. The earth is seriously on the verge on dying. Ahwells. It's Chinese New Year! :D 2010, the chinese way. Also Valentine's Day. Interesting aye, a friendship/bgr day on the first day in the year of the chinese calendar. Heh. It would really be great if it rained today. Ahwells. Dehydration week, as I would call it. Anyways, today would be the second consecutive Valentine's Day where I'm date-less. Pretty nice, I must say. And oh, this year's CNY is kinda quiet uh. There isn't much hype about CNY. Not as much "marketing" as previous years. And oh, my blog is slightly over 3 years old ! :D heh. Let's see now, 3 years ago, things were really tough to overcome. Much has happened in 2007. But well, every year has been slightly better. 2010 should be a better year. Ahwells. It'...

Woosh. Ahwells, another week is gone. I'm left with another week of school before my non-deserved break. I didn't even work as hard as I said I would before the sem started. Anyways for this week I've passed by CJC a couple of times, and I think I might have a little teeny bit of regret for not going to CJ/AC? Competitive yes. But it seems like a nicer place to study at. No stupid projects which add on useless stress. I'd rather just mug and that's it. Individual work works the best for me. Group projects always pull my grades down. For JC, just do the bare minimum to pass for promos, and then 'cheong' for the final 'A' levels. I really wished there was the three months JC thing. I really want to try it out. ): Ohman. This is bad. I'm going to be passing by CJ for the next two years to constantly remind me of the results of my decision. Well, not that I'm not enjoying poly life. But I'm sure we all feel the same way. We would always like ...

I'm sorry. No one can say that I've tried. I've attempted to start conversations and to keep it going, but it never continues. I'm sorry but I cannot be the one who pokes your hair to try to start anything anymore. It takes the effort of two to get something to happen. Ahwells. Two crazy things to do. A thousand word journal and a thousand two hundred word essay to complete asap. Urgh. Easy to do, but hard to get started. Down to the third last week of school already. Need to get new glasses, they cause me motion sickness whenever I swap between contacts and glasses. urgh. Ahwell. 9 weeks of holidays in 2 weeks and 4 days, which involves 7 assignments/projects to be due. Yayeness and moosh. :D

Ugly Quack. Off with the ugly quacks. :D heh heh. ohman, I'm gonna be blind for life. :/ Hmms ahwells. I found time to chillzzzzzxzxzxzxxz and take a break to blog for the fun of it. Ahwells, nothing much to blog about, except for bills piling up. ): Hmms. 4 more days and buhbye to you. Safe trip back I guess. :/ Ohno, ten million assignments are awaiting to be completed. ):

When You Go Down Down. Ah, this week has been piled with more assignments. Nine assignments/projects are due in four weeks. Though three of them are from the same assignment thing, just that it is split into a progressive three-part assignment which would lead to the final 1200 word essay. :/ So in a way, I have seven assignments due in four weeks. :/ Anyway service yesterday was nice. We've got our plot of land. :D Probably in the Marina area. heh. And watched "It's Complicated" with Glen last night. It's pretty hilarious. And oh, Friday I watched "New York, I Love You", it was horrible. Funny when it is, but senseless in many places. :/ Ahwells. Shall blog again next Sunday, when I have the time again. :D

Baby are you down down down down down, dowwwwwwwwn. Second week of school, and still rushing for deadlines. At least it's one down today. But there's a million more. ): Presentation today was bad. Had to present a debatable part of the topic and battled with speaking the right words on a sensitive topic. Urghs. It's only a C+! Damn. Radio and speech are due this week, and many others are piling up. I somehow have a very bad feeling about these. :/ I'm very worried. I'm very worried for my grades, and this is only my first year. Urgh. Anyway, for all the people who got back their 'O' level results today, hopefully you're all not at a loss. I know I kinda was, but ahwells. Just don't let the grades determine you yeah? Don't let it control with pride and be the better of you, or to let it bring you down. (: Well, I just hope that I can pass my remaining two years well. ):

I'll Follow You into the Dark. Well, first week of school has been a drag, and open house made Ngee Ann over-crowded and invaded, even though Ngee Ann has always been over-populated. Ahwells. My blog is starting to die again, with school work starting to pile up on me again. Still, I'm slacking away. Urgh. And I dread Writcom. I dread having to write out an essay. Ahwells. On a different note, when I needed someone just for that one moment in a bad time, I called you. And when times were good, I ignored you. Now it's your turn to do the same. I guess it's just my fault, holding on to every small glimmer of hope, even if it does not make a difference. I'm holding on, like how you did for me in the past. I'll hold on, hoping for another morning message from you. Well, I'm sorry I could not have replied you sooner, not even as a sincere friend, missing you day and night.

Every Night I Wish Upon a Star I'm supposed to be offline to sleep early for tomorrow, to catch up on my lost sleep, though tutorial tomorrow has been cancelled. But ahwell, came back on. Well, have been listening to DJ Earworm after seeing Inez posting it up on twitter. Go google this guy up, great mash ups, and I though Norwegian Recycling had the most number of songs in one mash up. :/ It's all chapalang. Chapalang that is pleasing to the ears. Well, reminds me a lot of 2009, because the songs are from the top 25 of the billboard charts of 2009. New Year's Day, was probably a new land. I've made my resolution to stay away from 2009, and a few years before that as well. But, it's hard, uh. You never took me seriously, asking me not to commit the same mistakes again as you force me away. And I just wish, you could have had a lil' faith in me, again. Ohwells. Life still has to go on. Maybe one day, eh? That's my wishful thinking. Well, safe flight back, in a...

2010. Well, the new year has been pretty good so far. Saturday was just church, and then today was Yuan Ling's birthday lunch, followed by shopping. In this holiday, I have gotten a total of 13 new tops -- 8 from topman, 4 from threadless, and 1 jacket from Bershka. Nice place I must say, Bershka. Just a lil' too pricey without any sales going on. Ahwell. Mom is complaining that I should get more bottoms, but as I've always reasoned, bottoms are always a chore to get. Like today, Uni Qlo didn't have my size for the slim fit jeans. They were all so huge. :/ Ahwells. My blog is alive again, but will be dead once school starts tomorrow, or should I say later. :/ Hmms, I remember vividly during the thanksgiving video that when 2010 flashed, followed by the phrase that Pst. Kong always uses "May it be the best year yet", everyone cheered. With the media focusing so much on this new year and giving so much emphasis on having a new start like never before, 2010 is su...

Uhh. Time flies. Now's already the second day of the new year. It's a totally new and fresh start, with a new vision to create, and to stop hogging on to the past. But well, I've got zero resolutions for the year 2010, and it doesn't really matter much since I've never completed any of them before. Well, I should be saying that my New Year was pretty good. Though short, but probably the best I've had in my entire life. (: Well, 2010 has gotta be a good and greater year for me. Last two weeks of December was great, and probably the best way to end 2009, but I guess it is also a good start for 2010. Ohwell, assignments again. ): I've not started yet. Been procrastinating despite having a lil' free time since the last day of 2009. Ohwell, on something different, life was different when I looked at my phone and saw that the date says "January 1, 2010" a few minutes into 2010 yesterday. It can be seen as a fresh new beginning, or another drag of a y...

Ah. I have a million schoolwork to do, and I've not started on any. :/ Well, watched "Alvin & Chipmunks 2" yesterday, irritating voice, but well, I can't deny that it's cute, especially Theodore. And the word chipettes sound weird. Ahwell. After that we sort of rushed down to catch the fireworks, and we reached a good spot just as the fireworks started. It was perfect timing. If we had been a train earlier or later, we wouldn't have gotten such a spot with this view. Amazing. Then hung around a lil till 2, and the NR ride home stopped at every single bus stop. Somehow, someone would alight at every single stop. Super irritating and slow, causing me to only reach home at 3am. :/ Ahwells. And now I'm awake early on New Year cause I somehow woke up. Maybe my radio was too loud, and now I can't get back to sleep. :/