--.The Memories Of Us.--

What's up with me? Okay, I hate all these lonely nights. I miss you. I know I'm not supposed to cry. Okay, I'm holding tears back. I'm scared. I'm really scared. After what happened on Sunday night, I've been living with this fear that is really bugging me so badly. It was only an hour, but things changed. I honestly do not know how did things just suddenly change. I really just want to end it all now. God, please bring me home? I really cannot take this anymore. I really don't understand why you need to change this situation. God please. I don't like what's happening now. Please change things back. Please, God. Everyday I'm hoping that you would. I know that you'll change it back. Please do, God. I really don't want to go through this. Not again. Not this time. Please. I just want to go home if things remain.

I fell again. I really don't know what's up with 2011. Sigh. When I've decided to be really nice and stuff, things just need to happen. Sigh. I've learnt that no matter whatever you do, or how hard you try, things can turn around for the worse magically within an hour or so. At the way things are going, I don't even dare to fall any farther even though I eventually will. Sigh, I need to get out and away from this cold and heartless world. O God, please do not forsake me at a time like this. You were the one who made things this way, the one who changed this whole situation into such a horrible one. I know you might be stopping something, but this is way to soon and I pray that you will pull me out O God. I believe that the trials you give me are to make me draw closer to you for the strength to get out of it. So help me O Lord, for I am weak now.

His Timeline. Okay, so here is another trying year for me. I must admit, the year 2011 has not been very smooth sailing. I've been going through trials and testings which really shook my entire life and traumatized me. So many times I've cried this year and wonder why shit happens to me. I never tell anyone reasons about my problems and I doubt that I ever will. But for the past year, since I've joined ministry, everything just flipped. Even before starting to serve, my life had already taken a turn the moment I made a decision to join a ministry. The more one gets more involved in church, the greater the testings and trials. But the past one year or so has really really been bad. Time after time I see myself faced with issues and problems. I really do not know how to go on like this. Have I not been faithful in devoting my life into your hands O Lord? I really don't know where to head from here. Sigh. Save me from all these things of the earth.