--.The Memories Of Us.--

It just doesn't seem right. I don't know. I feel really annoyed and pissed with the current festival but yet frightened at the same time. No racism is intended here. I'm referring to the 7th month of the Chinese Calendar. No, I do not care about the offerings and burnings. In fact I sort of like the smell of the burning. It's weird. But that's not why I'm pissed with it. I'm pissed with the "month". Seriously, things that aren't right have happened during the month this year for the first time. And I'm really getting annoyed. Just the other day my remote controlled fan switched to a different mode right in front of me. The first time it happened, I let it go. But it happened again, so I kept the remote control from behind me to my side. But even with that, it happened again. Ugh. Seriously? And then another time, my crutches that have been leaning at a corner of my room for almost half a year suddenly fell without any wind. On top of that, ...

The non-break break, hiatus. I've taken a break for a while. Well, sort of. From most of the outside world. Some people I reply, while most were left unreplied. I don't know why but I've lost interest in life, and people. I guess I just need to start finding real friends who will really be there, and not be gone just because of circumstances or when I'm gone. I'm really stoned about life. I guess I find that I've lost purpose and direction again. Sure, I'll still present myself as who I was in the past, not giving a care. But I know that deep inside of me, I'm dead. I do not know what or who I'm searching for anymore. My life's just a mess. And I know there will be more people to make my life much more messy than it already is. I'm not prepared for it. At least not yet. I prefer a clean life. Sigh. Okay, I've learnt. Learnt to keep my life simple and clean. I'll start on building up my PR image to all of you again. I will.

I need a break. I really thought that the suicidal phase of my life was miraculously over. But I could not be any more wrong. The stress from work is really pushing me beyond my limit. I really just want to leap out of my window for the aim of a stress-less afterlife. I'm stressed to the point where I'm crying over unfinished school work, something that's happened the first time in my life. There is just too much to do within this little time. Sigh. Life is really too difficult to live.