Airplanes in the night sky...
I've been in a pretty much of a hiatus from religion lately. Perhaps I could say that I'm too ashamed to meet the people that I know over in church. Jeremy would know what I'm talking about. No one knows except him. I may be hiding it, but it really keeps me up thinking every night how I might have said some things wrongly, or in a tone people misunderstood. No matter the misunderstanding, it is a huge embarrassment to receive that 'crown' for the camp. I just don't know how to face people again. Work would be a few other issues but they don't really matter.
On a slightly different note, I skipped church for the first time in years for a non-valid reason. Or at least to me, it's considered non-valid since I've always been the one talking about how a person prioritising his commitments would show his true self. I've skipped church for very valid reasons before, like time to recuperate at home after an operation, or school projects that require every member to be there. But today, I skipped it for work. Something that bugged me whenever people do that. And honestly, I don't feel good. Not because I'm doing something I hate, but because it is my home. Every Saturday, that house is my home. It's not my second home, but my first. I will be away for two weekends and I really don't wish to continue feeling this way. Sigh. I really hope that something changes. I'm feeling the farthest away now. Despite the joy that I may have, a huge part of me is still drowning in an unknown and sour bitterness.
Sigh. On a different note, I think I've been seen as an emotional kid. But that isn't really true. It's just that I don't blog about my happy things. It's mostly on things I need to let out in hope of a better feeling inside of me. But yes, I don't feel too good now. I need a friend.
I've been in a pretty much of a hiatus from religion lately. Perhaps I could say that I'm too ashamed to meet the people that I know over in church. Jeremy would know what I'm talking about. No one knows except him. I may be hiding it, but it really keeps me up thinking every night how I might have said some things wrongly, or in a tone people misunderstood. No matter the misunderstanding, it is a huge embarrassment to receive that 'crown' for the camp. I just don't know how to face people again. Work would be a few other issues but they don't really matter.
On a slightly different note, I skipped church for the first time in years for a non-valid reason. Or at least to me, it's considered non-valid since I've always been the one talking about how a person prioritising his commitments would show his true self. I've skipped church for very valid reasons before, like time to recuperate at home after an operation, or school projects that require every member to be there. But today, I skipped it for work. Something that bugged me whenever people do that. And honestly, I don't feel good. Not because I'm doing something I hate, but because it is my home. Every Saturday, that house is my home. It's not my second home, but my first. I will be away for two weekends and I really don't wish to continue feeling this way. Sigh. I really hope that something changes. I'm feeling the farthest away now. Despite the joy that I may have, a huge part of me is still drowning in an unknown and sour bitterness.
Sigh. On a different note, I think I've been seen as an emotional kid. But that isn't really true. It's just that I don't blog about my happy things. It's mostly on things I need to let out in hope of a better feeling inside of me. But yes, I don't feel too good now. I need a friend.
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