I don't know why I clicked it. I wish I never clicked it and I wish I never knew.
I survived two and a half months completely without you in my heartaches. I don't know why I even clicked. But I was curious. So I clicked. I read. I deciphered. And ouch. Was I truly over you? Probably not. Why am I back to the start now?
I know there's better days ahead, Your promises are true.
I just don't understand why. Nothing was said to me for 2 and a half years. The best line I've managed to craft as a failure for the relationship was:
"For 2 years she showed me off like a shiny penny. She's boasting about the freedom I give us. She's proudly telling people about liking my independence. So what did I do? I assumed I was doing a good job and kept up with it."
But deep inside, was it really what she felt? I've learnt at the last day that she didn't. For 2 years she felt like I was an asshole who wasn't emotionally available. That's her.
What about me? Well, I felt that we were at an extremely comfortable stage of a relationship where hourly texts are no longer a priority. Things to talk about were naturally non-existent. But isn't that normal? To hit a point in a relationship knowing how we both are without asking? A point where conversations don't matter anymore. 'Getting-to-know' each other isn't a priority anymore because new things don't happen everyday. Physical meetings are not for the talks, but more for the hugs, the kisses, the touches, the-physical-presence.
This was probably the most comfortable relationship I have ever been in. I was never afraid to let you see the unglam side of me. But well, you felt differently.
You think I always like finding faults in you. But I'm not "finding". I just want to protect you. Guess you saw it in the wrong way. All I wanted, was for people to love you easily. I wanted you to be a good leader. And I wanted you to be free from annoyance from your family. Asking you to ignore the rants and close up apparently got interpreted as disowning your parents. I was just getting you to learn to filter. To enjoy the good times with them, and filter out the unreasonable times which you know you did nothing wrong. Well, I really can't say much. I'm hoping for a miracle one day. For that day where you'll understand my intentions back then. All I can say is, I was misunderstood, as usual. You weren't the first to misunderstand me in this life, neither will you be the last. Guess I'll need to work on the phrasing of my words instead of being blunt. But for now, I can't say I'm over you, but you probably are. So I'll have to say goodbye to the girl that saw me through NS. It meant something. <3
I survived two and a half months completely without you in my heartaches. I don't know why I even clicked. But I was curious. So I clicked. I read. I deciphered. And ouch. Was I truly over you? Probably not. Why am I back to the start now?
I know there's better days ahead, Your promises are true.
I just don't understand why. Nothing was said to me for 2 and a half years. The best line I've managed to craft as a failure for the relationship was:
"For 2 years she showed me off like a shiny penny. She's boasting about the freedom I give us. She's proudly telling people about liking my independence. So what did I do? I assumed I was doing a good job and kept up with it."
But deep inside, was it really what she felt? I've learnt at the last day that she didn't. For 2 years she felt like I was an asshole who wasn't emotionally available. That's her.
What about me? Well, I felt that we were at an extremely comfortable stage of a relationship where hourly texts are no longer a priority. Things to talk about were naturally non-existent. But isn't that normal? To hit a point in a relationship knowing how we both are without asking? A point where conversations don't matter anymore. 'Getting-to-know' each other isn't a priority anymore because new things don't happen everyday. Physical meetings are not for the talks, but more for the hugs, the kisses, the touches, the-physical-presence.
This was probably the most comfortable relationship I have ever been in. I was never afraid to let you see the unglam side of me. But well, you felt differently.
You think I always like finding faults in you. But I'm not "finding". I just want to protect you. Guess you saw it in the wrong way. All I wanted, was for people to love you easily. I wanted you to be a good leader. And I wanted you to be free from annoyance from your family. Asking you to ignore the rants and close up apparently got interpreted as disowning your parents. I was just getting you to learn to filter. To enjoy the good times with them, and filter out the unreasonable times which you know you did nothing wrong. Well, I really can't say much. I'm hoping for a miracle one day. For that day where you'll understand my intentions back then. All I can say is, I was misunderstood, as usual. You weren't the first to misunderstand me in this life, neither will you be the last. Guess I'll need to work on the phrasing of my words instead of being blunt. But for now, I can't say I'm over you, but you probably are. So I'll have to say goodbye to the girl that saw me through NS. It meant something. <3
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