This is the current view I have now while typing this out. Yep it's about to rain and I'm feeling the drizzle. This is Pasir Ris fishing pond, near Pasir Ris MRT station. I believe today is the fifth time that I am here in the past two months. I am someone that likes to find quiet places to sit and just recharge myself and this is one of those places. Before this period, I've probably only been here once. I honestly do not remember much, but what I do rememeber is staying here overnight with my uncle to fish. Don't think we caught anything but I do remember spending a good time as well as watching a beautiful sunrise. That's probably 9 years ago in 2006.

Tracing back my memories is something I really love. It brings me pain, licks my old wound, but experiencing the sweet moments again somehow feels worth it. It's an indescribable feeling, to stand at the exact same spot and remember how sweet and happy that certain moment felt. I've not found the time or effort to, but one day when I eventually do, one of the last few memories that I want to trace is walking from Pasir Ris to Simei.

My life is full of regrets, yet I don't regret making the decisions that make me regret. Because some of them have really shaped me to be a lot better.

Thinking back, I've always thought that I am ready to settle down and commit to a relationship. But some times, you just need something to test you to see if you'll really stay grounded or sprint off. The most recent test made me sprint away faster than Usain Bolt. Maybe I'M NOT READY to commit my time fully to you, or maybe I'm just not ready to commit my time fully to YOU. I really don't know which it is, you or me, but all I know is that I sprinted. Maybe it's a sign, maybe it's not. I'll never know for now.

But either way, I think I have to be grateful to the Big Guy up there who let whatever just happened, happen. I'm thankful that despite the pain, His bigger picture was to show me that you're not the one. You're not the one capable of handling or living with me. That you're not the one who would bring the greater out of me. That you're not the one willing to go through the difficult trying times with me. That I would eventually meet one who lives for herself and I, and not herself and others. That I would eventually meet someone who would fight together with me, no matter the circumstances and mistakes. I'm grateful that He showed all these before things really went too far and it would cause a lot more pain. I guess I've under-estimated His Will all along. Which leads me to get reminded of a few sermons with the same theme, and that is God will never allow you to experience anything beyond what you can handle. I guess it's true after all. I'll just continue surviving for now. (: