I feel down now. I do not know why. As im drawing out my drafts and everything for the bbq, i almost broke into tears for dont-know-what-reason. Part of me is feeling real down because of an unknown reason, and another part of me is feeling very guilty and filled with regrets. I feel so alone. Yes i might have people to talk to every now and then but then staying in my room all alone now really makes me feel like im all alone in this world. Nothing can ever describe how i feel because this is how i feel every night when i reminisce of my life. Maybe i've made many mistakes in my life and today was christmas service for me to re-think about my life but i mean this kind of "lonely" feeling is just so cold and cruel when it hits you and stays with you at night. Nobody in this world really understands me. Even the people closest to me cant understand me. Maybe the reason why nobody can help me is because ive been trying too hard to seek for companionship. Yes, maybe thats the reason why i have been through so many relationships. But sigh. ARGH. I just feel so off now. Like as if somebody just died. Ohgosh. Only my blog can understand me.

Sigh. I've got no happy mood or feel good but i still have to do this:

Countdown: 4 Days To The BBQ