I'm back here again. Sigh. I really miss the chalet. On Saturday, it rained heavily at night. I really miss sitting by the shelter and watch the heavy rain pour down with the music playing by the background. It just seemed like a few minutes of heaven over there. I don't know you well enough, but messaging you while watching it rain gave me comfort and a sense of companionship even though you were 2km away... But my heart was hurting real badly on that night, hoping something could happen. It just seemed that my b'day passed so quickly. The joy of having the big crowd of people in my chalet having fun and stuff is just painful to think of. The more i think of it, the more it hurts me. Cause i really really miss the good times i had at the chalet, even the hard work like starting up the sound system. But there was a joy in everything i did there. And it just cant be explained with words...

I really need help. EVERY night, i just stay up and think of the chalet. All i could think of was the fun, which in turn would make me sad. No one is here to help me or to even talk to me at night. It is taking my happiness away every night... I would admit that this chalet was a success, but it just seemed like all those that were meant to be there were not there. Throughout the chalet, i just felt lonely. Its like you've got everyone there and you've got them talking to you and stuff, but i just felt like i was all alone. It was like i'm a small boy amongst a big crowd of people whom are total strangers to me...

Another sadness adding onto my pain is that school is about to start soon... Its going to be hard work again. Its going to be boring and waking up early just adds on to the bitterness... And the tugging reminder of you just keeps reminding me of you. And all i was hoping for was just one simple b'day wish from you... but it never came... Sigh. Anyway, i guess i'll just have to live with this pain every night before it fades off in a few week's time... Talk to me at night will you?

This pain kills me every night silently.

I'm Staring Out Into The Night, Trying To Hide The Pain